This re-cap is entitled ‘Motion Sickness’ which is how my stomach felt with all the jumping back and forth. In this re-cap as we ‘jump’ centuries, I’ll include the word ‘Jump’ so we can keep track of where we are .
We rejoin our friends at the Inverness Police Station as the officer in charge takes a meeting with Frank while drinking whisky from his grandma’s tea cup. Immediately, three things become apparent. The PoPo are sick and tired of Frank Randall coming around, they’re never going to solve her disappearance and since we last saw Frank, he has grown a pair.
Jump: Jamie & Claire are gazing into each other’s eyes, like lovesick teenagers, when Jamie asks her if it’s usual for couples to share so much passion. She tells him “No, it’s rare and only happens when one half of the couple is Jamie Fraser.” #ShesExperiencedButNotTheWhoreofBabylon
Suddenly an arrow flies past and they fall to the ground, Jamie flips into highlander mode, grabs the arrow and then begins to smile. (He can identify people by their arrows?!?) It’s his old pal, Hugh Munro, a fellow ginger who looks like he may be Sam Heughan’s handsome uncle. Years ago, Hugh was forced into service on a ship and as often happens, they cut out his tongue. He and Jamie are able to communicate with hand signs and gestures. He introduces Claire as his ‘wife of two days’ and Munro gives her a ‘Dragonfly In Amber’ from their Target Gift Registry thus signaling the title of next year’s Outlander series. Munro, who even without a tongue, seems to be Bureau Chief of the Highlands CNN, brings us an exciting news update! A redcoat deserter named Horrocks (gestures towards Claire, holds two rocks) witnessed Jamie’s escape from Ft. William and knows who killed the guard. Jamie wants to meet him to see if he can clear his name so he can FINALLY head back to Lallybroch and chillax.
Jump: The Rev shares a cockamamie theory illustrated with his ‘Beautiful Mind’ poster board how Claire was swept down river and has been hiding in a cave eating fish and frogs. Frank asks him what he’s been smoking and will he share. Just then wee Roger Wakefield comes into the room and every #BookReader gives a collective sigh at the adorableness of young Roger along with the knowledge of what’s to come. Frank mouth vomits at all the cuteness and heads to the local pub where it appears that ‘everybody doesn’t know his name’. A woman ‘CallmeSally’ sits on the adjacent stool and says she can take him to the highlander in the photo. Frank looks her over and sniffs at her with his Black Jack DNA and makes a plan to meet her later.
Jump: The men are lounging around a campfire like the Boy Scouts as Rupert regales them with stories. Jamie and Claire are sitting together whispering “You’re the cutest”, ‘No, YOU’RE the cutest!”, while bopping each other on the head with balloons.
The horses start to whinney and the Highlander GI Joes realize there is someone beyond the darkness and they begin to surreptitiously move towards their weapons as Jamie whispers to Claire to take his knife and at his signal go hide. Suddenly all hell breaks loose and everyone goes into Scottish ninja mode with violent fighting until Ned fires a shot proving the old adage that one must ‘Always Bring Their Accountant To A Knife Fight.’ No one was hurt and the only thing stolen of value was a horse which ticks Dougal off because he’s worried about the bills.
Jump: Frank meets up with ‘Notsally’ wearing a trench coat and a fedora looking like Peter Jennings reporting ‘Live from London!’ He’s walked straight into an ambush which seems scary until we’re reminded how much DNA has been passed down from Black Jack. He beats the holy hell out of them, one man in particular gets repeatedly kicked reminding us of Grandpa Jack and those fun stories from back in the day…….. ‘Notsally’ freaks out and the next thing we know, Frank almost chokes her to death. Genetic receptor apple meet DNA tree. Next day he tells the Rev what he did and the Rev tells him it’s time to move on, don’t let the door hit you on the way out…send me a postcard from Oxford.
JUMP: Claire’s looking for the knife she dropped at the previous night’s festivities. She proclaims that it’s too long and heavy for her as Rupert shouts ‘ThatsWhatSheSaid!’ Ned says Angus is a great knife fighter (FORESHADOW) and he should teach Claire how to fight with a sgian dhu which is Gaelic for a knife that’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Ned says all people should know how to protect themselves (FORESHADOW!) and she should hide it on her body. He keeps his knife (FORESHADOW) near his naughty bits and pulls it out of his nether regions and hands it to her. Claire daintily cleans it with sanitizing wipes and the YMCA Women’s Self Defense lessons begins.
Jamie and Claire are playing ‘roll me over in the clover’. (Question. Why did the line: ‘when does the wanting stop’ change from heart-breaking sweetness to teen-age boy under the bleachers?) Suddenly a gun is placed at Jamie’s temple because redcoats. Dammit, these redcoats are getting on my. last. nerve. One filthy deserter hold Jamie at gunpoint, as the other gets on top of Claire. She waits for just the right moment and plunges the knife into his back killing him (Kudos to YMCA Women’s Self Defense Course) and Jamie quickly kills the other one.
JUMP: Mrs. Graham and the Rev are interrupted from a round of verbal cage fighting by Frank who wants to know what’s all the racket. Mrs. Graham shares her theory that Claire has not left him, but has only time traveled. Frank listens, stands up, swallows a bottle of Excedrin and says he must be going. Wee Roger walks in wearing a tiny, tweed suit(!) reminding this blogger to begin urgent whining for grandchildren. Frank leaves Claire’s suitcase at the Reverend’s home and heads for Oxford.
JUMP: Jamie tells Claire they are going to meet Horrocks and she needs to stay behind with Willie. Angry Claire says ‘I can take care of myself, I’ve proven that’! #MeanSubtweet Willie stays behind to guard Claire, but he leaves her alone for two minutes to go ‘auto-compost’ and she sees the rocks of Craigh na Dun and takes off running like a world class track star in long skirts.
JUMP/BLEND: Frank is sobbing for Claire at the Stones as she’s running towards them. He yells, she hears it, she yells, he hears it and just as she’s gotten to the rocks those damn Redcoats grab her and stuff her in a wagon and head for Ft. William and BJ Randall. Cut to Claire seated at a table with Randall strutting about the room playing his usual game of Cat & Mouse.
He’s going to find out who she is by any means necessary when she plays her card, “How would the Duke of Sandringham feel about my treatment?” He chokes on his drink as she stands and calmly reties his scarf and she’s almost free of him when he asks her about the Duke’s wife and she steps right into a trap as the Duke does not have a wife. Oh, Claire! She realizes her mistake and runs for the door which is guarded on the other side by Corporal Hawkins who will be featured on ‘Dirty Jobs 1700s Edition’ as there’s nothing dirtier than being Black Jack’s bouncer. “I’m sorry ma’am” he says as he makes her stay in the room with BJR. Hawkins is gonna have a lot of splainin to do at the pearly gates.
Randall twirls his moustache, bends her over the table, lifts up her dress and does scary stuff with a knife, when suddenly our hero Jamie appears at the window. “I’ll thank ye to take your hands OFF my wife!”, he declares in his commanding voice, thus concluding the first half of the season and leaving us to hang for 6 looooong months. Six months seems cruel, however I live in the real world and understand how long it takes to produce a quality product. I may whine a bit, but on the other hand, it might be a good time to revive our social life, perhaps start up our old supper club, paint the baseboards, join a gym. I can hear real life calling again! 🙂