I just returned from my first visit to Los Angeles since my son moved there last July for a new job. Jake is a hilarious young guy, but he is also much more reserved than I am. Really, though, who isn’t? If you know me, you know I’m verrrry friendly and outgoing and love meeting people, yes, our tour guide from Beverly Hills has e-mailed me twice since Thursday. I meet people everywhere and love doing so and yes, it embarrasses my kids from time to time.
So last Sunday we were heading over to the studio where Jake works and he begins to instruct me on how to behave, what not to say and who I can and cannot talk to. He seems so serious about his instructions that I’m surprised he didn’t write it up ahead of time and put it in a pamphlet. I begin to become SO overwhelmed by all his instructions that I tell him I’m just gonna pretend not to speak English so I don’t have to talk to anyone. On the drive over, I try out English, German and Swedish accents and he says they all sound Russian so I decide I’m gonna make believe I’m a newly arrived Russian immigrant.
So we arrive and get to the first guard and I get my ID out and he nods and says ‘hello’ and I just…lose. it! And I mean, LOSE it! I start ‘nervous laughing’ so hard I can’t breathe and Jake looks at me like he wants to kill me and that just makes it worse! We get to the second guy who’s supposed to put the bracelet on my wrist and Jake says ‘hi, this is my mom…she’s visiting from Texas’ and the guard tries to say ‘hello, how are you’ to me and I look at Jake and he’s looking at me like ‘please be normal’ and I start laughing even worse…SO bad, I’m crying and the guard starts laughing and he looks at Jake and says ‘wow, you must’ve said something really funny’.
It gets so bad, I have to go into the ladies room to try to calm down and get it together. I come out and Jake says ‘are YOU alright?’ and I start to lose it AGAIN! I just hold up my hand and say ‘we better not talk’. I guess the moral of the story is Do Not ‘over prepare’ me or I WILL have some type of episode and just lose my mind.