What Happens When My 28-Year Old Son watches #Outlander and Makes Me Laugh Till I Cry…or Boys Like It Too!

JakeHeadShot

I’m on vacation in Utah for the entire month of April. I rented a teeny, tiny apartment near my daughter and today my son drove in from L.A. for a quick visit.  He arrived late and was too wired to sleep right away, so we decided to catch him up on Outlander. He’d watched the first half of Season 1 when he came home to Austin last year, so we cracked open a couple of beers and sat down to watch.

As you might remember the second half of Season One began with Episode 109.  There had been a hiatus of several months when this episode aired.  When we’d last seen our heroes, Claire had been captured by Black Jack Randall while Jamie was gone with the MacKenzie men to meet up with that no good Irish traitor, yet hunkalicious Horrocks.

The following is Jake’s commentary:

Episode opens with Jamie’s voiceover at the river.

Jake:  ‘Maybe he rescued her at the end of the last episode and then had to talk to himself for an hour.  (Looks at me.) ‘They didn’t have therapy back then.’

Opening Credits Roll, Claire’s dirty legs appear.

Jake:  ‘Oh for God’s sake, take a bath you hippy.’  ‘You know what? I’m gonna keep drinking beer until I can burp the theme song.’  (Tries to do it. Fails.)

MacKenzie men put a knife to the guard’s throat.

Jake:  ‘On Game of Thrones they would’ve killed him.’

Murtagh thumps the guard over the head and knocks him out.

Jake:  ‘He’s gonna wake up in 5 minutes and go tell everyone they’re there.  By the way, is your monitor dark or can they not afford better lighting? Isn’t Starz doing well now?’ Update: (It was my monitor, he fixed it….smartypants)

Jamie enters room with a gun.

Jake:  ‘Effin’g shoot him! Roll credits. Done.  Shoot him in the brain.  She can get away.  That actress sure gets naked a lot.’

Jamie’s Voiceover:  I wonder why I chose not to take his life.

Jake:  ‘Me too.’

Explosion happens.

Jake: (in weird high accent) ‘That noise gave me a fright.’

Jamie and Claire gallop away on horses.

Jake (with deep announcer voice)  ‘The End.’

Jamie:  Randall didn’t hurt ye?

Jake:  (High woman’s voice)  ‘Only emotionally.’

Jamie yells at Claire about being captured and assaulted.

Jake:  ‘He’s victim blaming!’

They meet up with MacKenzie clan at the inn.  Jamie goes upstairs to punish Claire.

Jake: (shouts in Scottish accent)  ‘Go to time out!  No Xbox!’

Music plays as Jamie begins to beat Claire.

Jake:  ‘Seems like happy shindig music for someone who’s about to beat his wife.’

They arrive at Leoch and Letitia and Colum greet them.

Letitia speaks.

Jake:  ‘Who’s that chick?  Is that the Queen?’

Claire curtsies to them.

Jake (in high woman’s voice)  ‘My ass kind of hurts, he gave me a right pounding…with a belt.’

Laoghaire and Jamie in the hallway:

Laoghaire:  ‘Why did you marry her?’

Jake (with Scottish accent):  ‘Because she has an oral fixation and daddy issues.’

Jamie and Murtagh pee’ing on the wall.

Jake:  ‘Is that the Pissin Rock?  They need to try to write their names.’

Ned Gowan enters Colum’s room.

Jake:  ‘Is that dude the tax collector?  His name is Ned?  They had names like that back then?’

Jamie’s voiceover again back at the river.

Jake:  ‘Oh boy…back to therapy again.’

Laoghaire takes Jamie’s hand, puts it on her breast.

Jake:  ‘Ut oh.  Don’t do it man.  Throw her away like a skipping stone.’

Jake (to Laoghaire with weird accent):  ‘I will comfort you if you need it hot Scottish chick who’s probably not Scottish.’

Claire brushes her curly, messy hair.

Jake:  ‘She needs the stuff that relaxes her hair.  Dear God, she should never move to Houston.’

Jamie’s trying to make up to Claire.

Jake (in bad Cockney accent)  ‘Ye can spank me this time.’

Jamie and Claire’s love scene when Claire says his last name is Fraser.

Jake:  ‘His last name is Frasier?’  (Tries to sing the theme song to ‘Frasier’)‘Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs.’

Jake sees scars on Jamie’s back:  ‘How long do you think it takes to do the scars?  Or else maybe he’s really committed and lets them beat the shit out of him.’

And that’s all folks…  It was so much fun to watch this with him.  I’d forgotten how much he makes me laugh.  I hope we have time to watch another episode while he’s here!

 

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