Claire’s breathing down Jamie’s neck, probably bored senseless and distracting Jamie from his chess game with Duverney. The evil/hot Comte St. Germain who’s entire Bucket List seems to be ‘Hate Claire Fraser’, appears and gives Claire the side eye yet again. Jamie gives Claire a nonverbal heave ho and she walks across the room and takes a glass of wine from a tray, as pregnant women did back then. Suddenly Claire begins to choke and Jamie runs over, picks her up Disney Prince-Style and exits stage right, hopefully to a local Minor Emergency Clinic.
Later that evening as Claire lays in bed recovering, Jamie suggests she host a dinner party for the Duke. His plan is to provoke Charles into acting like the eejit he is in front of the Duke so nobody will back his plan and I remember this plot being used once on All My Children with Erica Kane and it worked so why not give it a try?
Claire finally unloads the secret she’s been carrying around and tells Jamie that sadistic Black Jack is still alive. Instead of responding with the conniption fit we all expected, Jamie is thrilled to hear this news as he wants to beat the crap out of Jack and kill him his own self. I ran this bizarre logic past my husband who agreed it would be easier if BJR was dead, but if it was him, he’d want to kill him with his own bare hands. #MenAreStrange
Next day Claire goes to visit my favorite druggist, Master Raymond. He apologizes for selling Bitter Cascara to an unknown servant but he had no idea it was for her. Bitter Cascara sounds like the most obnoxious woman at the Country Club that no one wants to caddy for: ‘That Cascara is so bitter, her poor husband has to pay the caddies twice the going rate.’ Apparently I’m wrong and it’s a scary tree bark that can cause death. MasterR does a Sheep Knuckle Yahtzee hocus pocus move and tells Claire that she will see Frank again. He then gifts her with a necklace that will change color in the presence of poison, followed by a jaunty little wink. I love him!
Claire is summoned for an urgent meeting with Louise and Mmm-ary who are admiring a cuckoo clock. Speaking of cuckoo…Louise is pregnant with Charles’ baby and asks Claire for help ridding herself of the child but Claire convinces her to trick her husband into thinking it’s his because as long as the child is raised with love, it will be okay. #SadForeshadow
Jamie arrives home after a night of drinking and whoring, filled with lust, his thighs covered with bite marks and tries to explain to Claire how he finally wants to make bonk-a-dee-bonk with her again because BJR is dead and a ho introduced him to the number 69 and I’m thinking if he doesn’t shut it, he’s gonna need the number 911 because Claire’s gonna open a can of whoop ass on him. His logic confuses me. Even Loretta Lynn will tell you, ‘Don’t Come Home A Drinkin With Lovin On Yer Mind!’
Finally, Jamie delivers one of the best speeches from the book about the private place we all have inside ourselves and how he’s been hiding there and how he’s growing strong again and they end up spending a very sweet, passion-filled night together and book readers from around the world send up a ginormous cheer!
There’s an intruder on their roof and it turns out to be Prince Charles arriving without his wig or his dignity but with a nasty monkey bite instead. It seems he’s also having girl problems. Mark me….that man is a loon. Claire patches him up and sends him on his way.
It’s the day of the fancy dinner party, but Claire sets out to the hospital to help victims of an explosion with Murtagh and Fergus as her escorts. As Claire works inside the building, Fergus educates Murtagh on the ways of women explaining how Mary is in love with another man even though she’s promised to the nasty old wart dude or NOWD. Inside the building, Claire meets Monsieur Forez, the hangman who doubles as a doctor and applies his creepy ‘Hangman’s Grease’ to a patient.
As Claire heads out for the day, they discover the wheel to her Cinderella carriage has been tampered with, and they begin walking home. The dinner party has begun and Jamie is greeting his guests alone. If that happened at my house, my husband would have a hissy fit, but Jamie handles it like a champ. First up, he meets sweet Alex Randall, who’s the polar opposite of his nasty bro and who’s arrived with his lecherous yet charming boss the Duke of Sandringham. Mary’s uncle and fiance arrive, they’re a couple of winners and by that I mean they’re disgusting, clueless and entitled.
As Mary and Claire mosy home (I would’ve thought they’d be hauling ass, but maybe they didn’t do that back then), Mary professes her love for gentle Alex Randall. Suddenly and without warning, nasty men appear and knock Murtagh out and rape poor Mary. Back at the Fraser’s, the Duke has committed a major faux pas and invited the Comte St. Germain and his wife (is she the swan nipple lady?) to dinner. My neighbor had a redneck meltdown when her husband did that cuz she thinks she’s Miss Manners. Me? Yeah, I admit it’s slightly tacky, but I’d just add two more plates to the table and water down the spaghetti sauce. Louise and her husband arrive and Charles lingers far too long over Louise’s hand.
Claire sees the a birthmark on one of the rapists hands at the same time they see Claire’s face and they bolt because she is La Dame Blanche. The Butler I don’t trust interrupts and whispers to Jamie that Claire is home and Mary was raped. Jamie and Murtagh want to run off and give them a Scottish beatdown but Claire keeps a clear head and orders them to stand down. They put Mary to bed with Alex standing guard and Claire dresses for dinner. Jamie tells Claire they can’t call the PoPo because Mary’s life will be over as no one will want her and I wonder if we’re in Baghdad or Paris. Jamie wants to cut off St. Germain’s head, but Claire says no heads will be cut off…..tonight. #Foreshadow #ReadTheBookPeople
Claire enters the room as cool as a cucumber, arriving after the King. Can’t they send you to the poky for that infraction? Claire and Louise get in a quick gossip as they walk into dinner whispering like those crazy broads on the Real Housewives shows. Alex is upstairs whispering sweet nothings with a hot accent to Mary and I’m wondering about genetics vs. environment cuz he’s a darling man and his brother is a monster sort of like the Unabomber and his bro.
The dinner has begun at the beautifully set table in a gorgeous room and the Duke is insulting the Pope and laughing too loudly. Claire encourages the Duke to tell a bad joke as the Comte gives Claire the side eye. I have indigestion just watching them. Charles asks the Duke if he’s married and it reminds me of that old talk show where Liberace told the interviewer he ‘hadn’t met the right girl yet.’ Jamie mentions that Louise is preggers and Charles downs his drink and slams the glass on the table and it’s time to pass the Awkward Sauce.
Le Comte makes snarky comments at the table about Claire’s poison-alarm necklace and we know he’s the bad guy. Mary wakes up and runs downstairs disrupting the dinner party. Mary’s uncle and fiance go nutz(!), a crazy fight breaks out, Murtagh runs in with a scary knife cuz he hasn’t stabbed someone in a month and he’s overdue, Claire throws Jamie a rope and he and Murtagh do a tag team, double dutch garroting move, and it looks like an Animal House frat party on steroids. The only one who’s happy is Fergus since he can finally get a decent glass of wine.
Author’s Note: I loved EVERYTHING about this episode. The sets, the set decoration, the costumes, the characters, everything they say and everything they do. In short, it’s like chocolate for my eyes and soul. I can’t wait for next week!