Jamie, Murtagh and Mary’s Uncle, Fiancee and assorted French twits had an epic food fight and trashed Uncle Jared’s Paris apartment like an 80’s rock band at the Hyatt then they all took off. Claire and Fergus stayed up all night long on a fancy couch waiting for Jamie to return which he finally does after Duverney bailed him out of the Bastille. Murtagh is downstairs washing off the stench of the Prison and you have to wonder how bad it was if the first thing on Murtagh’s mind is a bath. Jamie carries sleeping Fergus up to bed and I note this is the 3rd time he’s carried someone Disney Prince Style in two days. Poor Alex Randall is still locked up as the justice system in 1740’s Paris seems all kinds of eff’ed up.
Murtagh is moping at the Wine Warehouse because he thinks he let Jamie down when Claire and Mary were attacked. One of Madame Elise’s hoes told him there’s a nasty group of aristocrats called Les Disciples who roam the streets attacking and raping women cuz they’re rich, bored and reality shows haven’t been invented yet.
Claire goes to see Mary who’s recovering from the attack and has written a letter to get Alex off the hook for the crime he didn’t commit. Mary says she feels ashamed about the rape which goes to show we haven’t come very far in 400 years. In fact the only good to come from this is that she no longer has to marry Lord Wartyface and she might actually have a chance at a real life. Mary gives Claire the letter to deliver to the Bastille and Claire considers throwing it out, but she doesn’t.
Prince Charles goes to see Jamie at the Wine Warehouse (he sure gets around…where’s his bodyguards?) and shares his plan to earn 10,000 pounds Sterling in a flaky business deal he’s cooked up with the Comte St. Germain that involves a shipment of Madeira. The Prince wants Jamie to work with St. Germain and tells him not to bother him with boring business details and talk to the hand.
Claire meets with the very attractive and sexy voiced Alex Randall to tell him there’s something about Mary. She talks him into breaking up with Mary because he can’t provide for her. Even though I understand Claire’s motivation, I sorta want to smack her. Alex is so kind, he actually thanks Claire and bows to her before he stoically walks away in his beautifully made black wool jacket with little white specks that I want.
Jamie meets with the evil/studly Comte St. Germain, tapping his fingers so hard, I think he’s inventing Morse Code. He and St. Germain despise each other but they’ll have to do business like JR Ewing and Cliff Barnes on Dallas. #80sReference Jamie and Claire are in their apartment talking about their nefarious plans and I can almost see The Butler I Don’t Trust lurking around the corner with a clipboard taking notes. Claire wants to concoct a potion to make someone look like they’ve got smallpox and plant them on St. Germain’s ship.
Jamie randomly gives Claire a lovely Push Present…a set of 12 silver Apostle spoons sent from Lallybroch. Claire says she’s worried she might not be a good mother, but she needn’t worry. Lots of people have no mothers or bad mothers, but still become excellent mothers…I should know.
The next day they are at the gorgeous Versailles Horse Show surrounded by beauty and opulence and Jamie comments he misses the smell of the stable and I do too. Jamie promised to help the Duke of Sandringham with his equine evaluation and as they wander throughout the fancy horse show, me thinks the Duke is having trouble keeping his hands off Jamie and I wonder who doesn’t lust for this man? The Duke, who has better instincts than I thought, tells Jamie he thinks the Prince is a twit. Jamie agrees, but says Charles’s father is the true King.
Oh goody, here come’s Annalise. She is the original Mean Girl back before that was a thang. They walk among the gardens and her snippy attitude gives me indigestion. Girl? You lost Jamie so get over it.
Annalise says a rather dashing man is staring at Claire and she turns to see her worst nightmare Black Jack Randall approaching. He looks thrilled to see her, Claire not so much. He introduces himself to Annalise in the worst accented french since the Grey Poupon commercial, but it seems just right for him.
The King approaches and Claire has no choice but to introduce him to BJR. The King’s Posse giggles at BJR’s accent which is obnoxious but no humiliation is too small for Randall so I dig it. Jamie then approaches and doesn’t seem as freaked out as I thought he’d be but I don’t understand men so who knows. He gets in a zinger about Randall having an unfortunate encounter with some sheep. #Baah
BJR tells the King he’s come to ask Sandringham to reconsider his brother Alex’s loss of position and the King tells him to beg. He tricks Black Jack into getting on his knee and begging and Randall looks like a fool, so that’s good. Claire tells the King she isn’t feeling well and he says she can go and so can Jamie. He tells BJR to get up before he stains his pretty britches. Jamie asks Claire if she’s really unwell and she says she’s fine. He turns and struts back to BJR and challenges him to a duel. Jamie looks happier than I’ve seen him in a while. #MenAreWeird
They return to their apartment, but instead of getting out of her Cinderella carriage, Claire hauls ass to the Bastille. Jamie and Murtagh stay behind plotting out Jamie’s duel with Randall when Claire returns and tells them she put the kibosh on it cuz she swore that Jack Randall attacked her and Mary and Jack done got locked up in the Poky. They are both royally pissed at her and Claire kicks Murtagh out of their room. Claire tells Jamie if he kills Randall then poor, boring Frank won’t be born because Mary’s his many times great granny. I wish Claire had a Polaroid of him so I could check to see if Frank’s disappearing like in ‘Back To The Future.’
Jamie’s about to blow a gasket and says Claire needs to make a choice, him or Frank. He puts a scary dagger in her hand and tells her to kill him now as he can’t live if BJR’s alive. She tosses it down and says he owes her a life and she’s claiming the debt now. Jamie says he’s a man of honor and he will honor his debt, then he kisses his sword and says he’ll give her a year. This reminds me of Michael Corleone kissing Fredo in the Godfather and I just can’t with the feels. Then he says ‘Do Not Touch Me’ with such anger it sort of freaks me out. Those two can really fight. They are worse than guests on a Jerry Springer episode and I wish they’d stop.
Every episode of Season 2 is my favorite one. And this is no exception. I suppose it’s like choosing a favorite child…the answer changes every day and you’d never say it out loud even if you were asked. I wonder what we all did for a life before the dawn of Outlander. I can hardly remember and to tell you the truth, I don’t want to contemplate a world without it. See you next week folks… till then Tulach Ard Y’all!