Warning: This is not a funny blog. My experiences with Good ‘Ol Boy Assault & Molestation in the Workplace. #NeverTrump

UPDATE: I Thought this would be the end of Trump’s campaign. How I miss those days of naiveté.

Like many women, I have been watching the Trump campaign self-implode after the Billy Bush on the Bus video came to light.  I was appalled as most of you were and in the days that followed have been overwhelmed with memories that I thought were long shoved down and erased.  I am completely freaked out by the women and men who think this is acceptable behavior because it’s not.  It contributes to the rape/assault/molestation culture in America although I’m sure there are many people who will say it does not.

Many men and some women don’t think this is a common occurrence or a problem.  Almost every woman I know has come forward with at least one story of being molested, assaulted or raped.  My heart breaks for all of us knowing how much pain and suffering is out there that has gone unpunished.  Their stories have made me weep. Mine are in many ways mild in comparison but have still left a scar.

Here are my stories:

1) At a very young and naive age 16, my mother took me to see a very well-known singer-songwriter whose name would be familiar to you all.  After the performance, they let approximately 50 hand-picked people go through a receiving line.  I was so excited for this honor, I was trembling.  When we got to him, my mother was first and he shook her hand.  I went next and put my hand out to shake his and he yanked me to him with one hand, grabbed my breast with the other and shoved his tongue in my mouth.  I pulled back, screamed ‘Yuk’, started rubbing my mouth with the back of my hand as he and his entourage laughed.  My mother pulled me away and we left with me crying all the way home.

2) Two years later, I was attending college in Boston and riding the subway to my internship.  It was very crowded with people shoved together, randomly bumping each other.  Suddenly a hand reached up my dress and into my underwear.  I screamed, pulled away and looked behind me.  No one was looking at me, so I had no way of knowing who did it. I quickly worked my way through the crowd to the other end of the subway.  From then on, I walked the 1 1/2 miles to work every day.

3)  Several years later, I had my first television network job.  A former NFL player, now football analyst sometimes worked in the building.  The first time I encountered him, he yelled ’Nice tits. What’s your bra size?’ The men around him laughed like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard.  From then on, whenever he was in the building, he would look for me and try to grab my breasts, always yelling something obscene when he did it.  I went to my immediate boss who said he couldn’t do anything.  I went to the Sr. Vice President of my Department.  His response was to shout in my face saying ‘stay the Fuck away from the talent or you’ll lose your job.  Get the fuck out of my office.’

4)  One of my girlfriends was dating a Producer at this network and we all went out to dinner together.  As it got later and darker and I was tired and wanted to go home, she asked him to walk me to my car because it wasn’t safe that late at night.  We walked outside together, making small talk (I didn’t know him that well) and when we got to my car, he grabbed me from behind, turned me around, shoved me against the car, grabbing my body and shoving his tongue in my mouth.  By the way, this man is now a well-respected Network President.

5) When I moved to Texas and worked at an ABC affiliate, a call went around the station late one afternoon to find someone who who could ride horses. It was rodeo time and they were bringing horses around to all the tv stations as a way to create publicity. I was the only available person who could ride, the problem was, that day I was wearing a skirt.  They said not to worry, they wouldn’t shoot anything until I was on the horse. I went to the horse and sort of shimmied my skirt up my thighs and got my foot in the stirrup. I looked over at the camera operator and he was pointing the camera at me.  I told him to turn the camera away. He said he wasn’t shooting me, he was checking the light and to hurry up because they needed the footage and he had to go on another story. I stupidly believed him and flung my leg over the horse.  We shot the video of me riding around in the grassy area behind the parking lot. The next day, he copied and distributed 5 tapes of me that he’d shot up my dress, with my legs apart when I’d gotten on the horse.  Guess who got in trouble? Me. For being naive and reporting a nice and well-liked guy to HR rather than going along and being a good sport. To this day, people say what a great guy he is and shake their heads at me when I mention it. So I’ve stopped mentioning it.

6)  These are just the stories that pop into my head right now, but I’m positive there are many more. In fact, I just remembered another one, but I’m mentally exhausted from thinking about this and don’t want to share any more stories.  I’m only sharing now because if it can help save one woman from this crap, or from feeling alone, I’m willing to throw myself out there for ridicule and for the deniers to come at me.

You know what ladies?  We shouldn’t have to go along and be good sports.  This shouldn’t happen to women.  Until now I didn’t realize how often it happens to other women and now I’m pissed at myself for keeping it quiet all these years.  People ask me all the time why I wear my clothing a size too big. Well this is the reason.  Self-fucking preservation.  I do want to apologize for how poorly written this is, I’m sure there are grammatical and spelling errors but oh well, I don’t feel like editing myself because I’m exhausted by it all.

PS I will NEVER understand how ANY woman could vote for Donald Trump, because this is EXACTLY who he is and this is EXACTLY what he’s done many times.

20 thoughts on “Warning: This is not a funny blog. My experiences with Good ‘Ol Boy Assault & Molestation in the Workplace. #NeverTrump

  1. Thank you sharing our situations. I, too, suffered workplace harassment, back in the day, with both a manager and assistant manager. The manager accepted my refusal of the advances he had been making once I spoke up. But the assistant manager did not. I tried to report him but it went unheard. So I set my schedule to never work the nights he did. Eventually the manager at the time finally figured out what was going on and why I had changed my schedule. The man was then transferred out of our location, probably with no harm done to him. Those are only 2 of the blatant times I felt powerless, and later regretted not getting more vocal about what was happening. And, yes, I agree I could not imagine a person that can say or do such things ever being considered for the office of President.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, Melissa. Thank you for sharing your pain. I have no stories but I was mostly with women in the workplace and before. My mother-in-law always told the story of running away from the superintendent of her school district…if women were hired, they had to be able to run, and then “laugh “about it afterword. I cannot even imagine in the entertainment industry or politics.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so sorry for your pain. Donald Trump is a flaming, idiotic, misogynistic raving lunatic and I’m terrified that he will be the next POTUS. What the hell is wrong with the people who support him? They have gone as crazy as he is.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Perfect, Melissa! To quote a few words from the Donald, He can go fuck himself!” You’re right, every woman, even the ugly ones, have experiences like this. Bless you, dear lady and friend. You are simply the best!

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  5. Thank you, Melissa, for bravely sharing these horribly degrading episodes. The way these “men” treated you as an object is terrible. I admire your honesty in the effort to support other women and pull back the curtain of silence in which so many suffer. Kudos to the good men in our lives who don’t follow this crowd and respect us.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. As I read thru the #notok tweets the last few days, I found my heart pounding harder & breath coming deeper as memories over the years surfaced. The guy who always wanted to “hug” me when I was 10 years old delivering papers, The unknown guy who rubbed his hand down my ass & between my legs at a concert when I was 13, then when I turned to yell, was met with a wall of straight faced guys looking over my head. The 70 year old farm worker of a good friend who, after we visited him one night, wanted to kiss us goodbye & tried to slip me the tongue. I was 14. The old guy who ran his hand up my leg under my skirt while I was waitressing. I belted him. By then I was 19 and had some confidence. Now I find myself in an elevator of men, my bosses bosses, & I hear jokes of “going up for lingerie”. I say, “I prefer shoes” and the elevator goes silent. Thank you Melissa, for sharing. There is strength in knowing so many of us have dealt with this bullshit over the years. It’s not right and maybe in these last few days, some eyes have been opened. I know my husband’s were. I’d never shared these stories & he was stunned.He understands my temperament better now. I am finished putting up with the bullshit.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you, Melissa. I’very had numerous experiences, starting at about age 8-9, when a farmworker tried to corner me in an abandoned building on our farm. I was too young to know exactly what was going on but I knew it was something bad, and managed to escape under his arm. I mentioned it to my older sister, who was wiser, and my father promptly fired him.
    On the whole I’ve been lucky – a number of attempts by bosses (such as locking me in the car with them) but most did not get past the “attempt” – except for one forcable tongue kiss (gross). This of course does not include the innumerable catcalls and remarks every women is subjected to as they walk down the street minding their own business. And those are seen as “complements” that you are supposed to feel good about.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you so much for sharing, Melissa. You are correct that so many women we know – TOO many women we know – have experienced this kind of crap all our lives. There has to be a line in the sand where people speak up loudly & clearly that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! And also that we diligently teach our children to do better, to treat everyone with respect. And vote against vile abusers like Trump who turn back the clock on any feminist strides that have been made in the last 40 years!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m so sorry Melissa, I wish we could go back and comfort those little girls and young women that we were. Thanks for sharing your stories. Trump is triggering so many of us who have experienced things like you’ve described. It feels good to express it, there’s comfort and power in shared experiences.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Thank you Melissa. As everyone has noted above, I too have many experiences like this starting pre-puberty. Everywhere from relatives to strangers on the street. It is not okay and it does tremendous emotional damage to girls and women. We need to stand up and demand respect and it will only work if we all do it,. You are an inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Heartbreakingly common. Everyone human should be appalled by the latest from the “Scumbag Billionaire”
    For therapy, watch the latest Full Frontal by Samantha Bee. Good for you for expressing your outrage. It
    helps us all!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I too had multiple violations, when I was 6 a family friend attacked me in his kitchen, his wife was in the hospital having his third baby, a girl. When I was 7 four teenage boys put me in a shed & took turns. Two teachers in 7th grade would use cat calls & make discusting comments & suggestions to me. I was attacked by my father in law, he tried to rape me, I was 23. Don’t tell me this was long ago, perverts don’t stop! Dig a little deeper & I am sure Donald has violated underage girls! I would bet the farm on it!!

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  13. Thank you Melissa…for sharing parts of your life with us, which should not be experienced by any woman, or evan a man.

    I was raped on my job, by a fellow employee, when I was 25 years old. I never told anyone, but I have never forgotten his name and will remember it for the rest of my life. I am only sorry, it may have happened to someone else, simply because I was too ashamed to say anything.

    I raised my daughter to speak up and made sure she knew self defence. I can only hope I prepared her adequately!

    Neither of your presidential aspiring people seem worthy, but Donald has come across as the worst…shame on him.

    But no shame on you, for speaking up…none of this was your fault, spare yourself any kind of physical or mental beatings. What you have chosen to do, will surely set the light where it is needed the most, right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Carol for having the courage to share your story. Every time I hear a Trump spokesperson question the validity of charges against him, my blood pressure goes through the roof. We don’t speak up or report because either we are dismissed, not believed or retaliated against. I’m beginning to believe this has happened to 90% of women, at this point it is every friend of mine. I also prepared my daughter, she carries pepper spray on her keychain but you never know if it’s enough. Thank you for commenting today.❤️

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  14. My story is not as visceral as some disgusting experiences written by my sisterhood, but here it is. I was young, almost seventeen, four months from HS graduation and working part-time for a car dealership in my hometown. I was passing the owner on my way to an adjacent office when he, an older man with white hair and glasses, patted me firmly on my behind–and the room was full of people! I was very nervous around him after that, but remained at that job because I needed it. The day after graduation I hightailed out of the place, but I still remember it well, decades later.

    Like

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