Jamie, Claire and young Ian gallop home and Jenny ‘Grumpyface’ Murray is NOT happy to see them. The Ingrates of Lallybroch give Jamie holy hell, but let’s peruse a partial list of what he’s done for them over the years, shall we?
1) Turned himself in and gone to prison, so they could have the reward money.
2) Sent most of his money home from his English indentured servitude.
3) Sent most of his money home from the Printshop.
4) Had Claire tell them to plant potatoes to survive the famine.
Jamie and Ian have a bro moment that warms the cockles of my heart. Jenny gives Claire shite for being away 20 years. Jenny gives Jamie shite for marrying Laoghaire. Jenny gives Jamie shite for not sharing his grief with her. Jenny has no more shite to give.
Jamie and Claire are in their room and he tells her about going to Silkie Island years ago and discovering the fortune which catches up the non-obsessive viewers/normal people on the plot. Jamie says he must tell her a secret but before he can, the door flies open ‘All My Children’ style and two girls demand to know who Claire is. She flips out to discover Jamie’s married L’eery, there’s a shouting match and everyone except Claire goes downstairs where Jamie sweetly explains to his red-headed step child that he loves her and will always take care of her. #ImNotCryingYoureCrying
Jamie tells Claire he’s not the girls’ father and there are a whole lot of red heads in Scotland which she’d know if she ever bothered to go on one of those Outlander tours that are gaining popularity. He says the sweetest thing to her, followed up with ‘even though you left me…’ Dude! We were all there…you literally dragged her to those stones!!! Footnote: They used SO much of Diana Gabaldon’s ACTUAL WORDS FROM THE BOOK, I jumped up and danced around the room. Note to writers: DO THIS EVERY TIME!!!
Claire finds out Jenny sent her daughter to get Laoghaire which started the wee ‘kebbie lebbie’ an expression which I’m now going to casually use in every day conversation. She tells Jenny she had another husband in America and came to visit Jamie’s grave after her husband died. #WhiteLie Jenny responds with her classic nasty gal BS. UnFun Fact: From first grade through high school, I was bullied by the meanest witch ever created and even I gave her a fake smile at our high school reunion and asked about her kids…and she wasn’t even family! Try to be nice, Jenny!!!
Claire tries to leave Lallybroch and Jamie stops her. Laoghaire shows up, accidentally shoots Jamie and takes off. Claire gives Jamie some magical whisky that knocks him out long enough for surgery. Where can I get some of THAT?
Jamie recuperates in the dining room and tells Claire how he ended up married to Laoghaire.
My one true love, Ned Gowan shows up and tells Jamie how much dough Laoghaire wants for a settlement. Jamie decides to go to Silkie Island and get the coins to pay her off.
Young Ian volunteers to swim to the island and afterwards Jamie will take him to Paris to exchange the coins for cash. Ian retrieves the box but the ‘Perfect Timing Pirate Ship’ arrives and they kidnap Ian and steal the treasure.
I don’t want to be there when Jenny finds out. #ShesScarierThanThePirates